Insane City by Dave Barry

Usually when I choose a book to read, I have heard a little about it beforehand and I have a notion that I'm going to enjoy it. However, in the case of this one I chose it because I knew Dave Barry as a humorist and was curious about his fiction writing.

Insane City takes place during the weekend of Seth and Tina's destination wedding in Key Biscayne, Florida, near Miami. Seth is accompanied by his immature Groom Posse who inevitably convince him to drink irresponsibly during his bachelor party. This was all too reminiscent of the movie The Hangover, with the exception that the groom is the protagonist of Barry's hijinks rather than being relegated to a side character.

The debauchery at local bars leads Seth to be separated from his groomsmen and for the Groom Posse to be separated from their luggage and some of the clothes they were wearing. After smoking pot with his fiancee's sister, Seth saves a Haitian family in the ocean who we'd been introduced to in some earlier, humor-free chapters just so they wouldn't joining the narrative out of "nowhere." Seth sets up the refugee family in his hotel room along with a "stripper" his friends hired and her intimidating but lazy "boyfriend." (Really a prostitute and her pimp.)

Through a series of contrived circumstances, Tina's wedding ring ends up in the hands of an orangutan named Trevor, with Seth trying desperately to retrieve it. Meanwhile, Tina's rich father buys a couple of restaurants after getting high on pot brownies brought to the rehearsal dinner by Seth's mother. And Seth has a series of misadventures with a wannabe model who both think the orangutan is a gorilla.

I'm sorry to say that most of Barry's attempts at comedic situations felt predictable and his characters were all cliches. From the drug humor to the wedding shenanigans to the very presence of a primate, it all seems like things I've seen before and have no desire to ever read again.

EMP by Orion Enzo Gaudio

This book was brought to my attention by Kindle Unlimited.

I have realized I need to make better choices other than it was released on Kindle less than 30 days ago as my filter for selecting books to review. I should have glanced at the reviews other Amazon customers had left, but I've found in the past when reviewers praise a new book it is often too kind and therefore unreliable. So I only looked at the plot and it looked like something I might enjoy. And while it is an interesting idea, it's also something that has already been done and not executed in a creative way. So it's a lesson learned for me and this is another 1 star.

This book does not have a traditional plot, it is more of an introduction to a world in the wake of a nuclear apocalypse (which is very similar to Jericho). There are four situations and none of them cross paths or have any impact on each other. The book meanders through different circumstances in order to establish a world instead of a plot:

• First there is General Sutherland and Special Agent Rodgers who are looking to establish a new world order in the United States with bunkers designated by district numbers. The districts are very The Hunger Games except they correlate to U.S. Government departments.
• Then you've got Nick who is taken in by survivalist Mike who has anticipated and been ready for this to happen. They head to his cabin, in a remote area, to wait for things to calm down. Mike teaches Nick to be a survivalist.
• Next there is Sandra and her farm (which remind me of Hershel's farm from The Walking Dead). She quickly decides that she will help refugees that find her farm, with the help of Nathan and Manuel, by growing as much food as she can and allowing folks to stay.
• Finally we have our chaotic evil (think Raiders in the Super-Duper Mart in Fallout 3) with leader, Anthony, and his crew Rick, Ned, and Fred. They immediately take possession of a super store and make it theirs, warning people away with their weapons. In this book they exhibit no redeemable qualities.

I did not like this book. It reads more like an encyclopedia of entries about the world than a story. It also seems to be Gaudio's second so maybe I'll give him another shot. But this book is not worth a read.

Visit Amazon's Orion Enzo Gaudio page for more information about the author and how to purchase his books.

Sunrise Destiny by Mark Terence Chapman

This book was brought to my attention by Kindle Unlimited.

I almost didn't bother writing this review because this novel is just terrible: a textbook 1 star. Is there a literary term to describe a plot that hill jumps? That is what this book does. Every mini-arc in this novel, which reads like a main arc, spans at least 2 but not more than 5 chapters. It is exhausting. The characters get in trouble, get out of it, and then they are right back in it. And with aliens, you expect weirdness but not this much new weirdness introduced during each arc! The plot is just unnecessarily overwhelming.

And in light of that, summarizing this story has been challenging. But I am going to try: Sunrise Destiny starts out starring dishonored cop, Donatello Sunrise, and a bit later introduces prostitute, Lola as our two heroes. Girls have been going missing all over town. One of those girls is the daughter of local mob boss, Antonio “Tony the Shark” Scarpacci, and Sunrise owes him. So in exchange for not ending his life, Sunrise agrees to help locate missing the Sarah.

When Sunrise finds Sarah (within two chapters), it is revealed that she was kidnapped by an alien race called the Azarti (think Elvis, from Perfect Dark, with telepathy) who need to extract hemoglobin to synthesize a cure for a disease they contracted by traveling to close to our Sun fleeing from pursuers. Sunrise agrees to help them if they will stop kidnapping girls to extract hemoglobin. So Sunrise starts returning the girls. But he didn't think that returning them would make it look like he was the kidnapper! So he has to explain himself to the authorities.

But before he can, Scarpacci and his goons kidnap him and beat the tar out of him because they think he kidnapped the girls. Looks like it's all over for Sunrise. But it isn't! Lola, local prostitute and friend of Sunrise's, shows up and saves the day with her friends (who might be a gang of pimps? It's not explained). He tells Lola about the Azarti and they work together to get them enough hemoglobin so they can make it off planet to get an actual cure instead of a bandaid. But at the precise moment they are getting ready to get off planet, the pursuers find them, and with Sunrise in tow, they are racing to get away from them. So what does Sunrise do? He figures out by being around these telepaths he's become telepathic and he saves the day!

They return to Earth and Lola helps orchestrate a blood drive and, now finally with enough, they can roll out. And because of both the local authorities and Scarpacci looking for the two of them, they retreat to have new identities and built a new life. That sounds like the end but Scarpacci finds them, the Azarti come back, and the cycle continues. Lola becomes telepathic, we visit the home Azarti world, get involved in the local conflict, it just goes on and on. We think our heroic duo is safe but they are never safe! They just keep getting kidnapped, beaten within an inch of their life, and dramatically saved and rehabilitated so they can do it all over again.

When the book isn't taking us through high action and terrible things being done to Sunrise and Lola, it is moving at a snail pace, meandering through day-to-day life (and, honestly, it is greatly preferred to the beatings). I'm almost ashamed to admit I read the whole thing. But at least no one can tell me "it gets better." I can definitively tell you: it does not. If you must, visit Mark Terence Chapman's site for more information about the author and how to purchase his books.